snippets 194

I promised myself to work immediately today. And I was propelling in that direction. Until a thought hits me.

*I've been browsing yahoo! the thing is they always feature great places to be in and get lost in.
I always knew I want to travel far and wide and varied. But it hit me today, after last night career talk/path with my mother, that I won't be able to travel this places if I'd stay here. I ached with that realization. I want to travel. And I am passionate about it. I am really really passionate about it. I feel so bad, disappointed and entirely heart broken with just the thought of me not being able to travel.

I am badly depressed by the idea that I won't be able to travel. And I am scared of my future. Terribly, awfully scared. Scared. Just scared.
Gahd! I hate my negative thoughts sometimes.

* I am already 22 years old but sometimes I am shocked of how awfully naive I still am. I am naive but already badly broken. Just imagine how broken I am when I am already not naive. If I can still break at that point.

*My mom once said the phrase, "Hindi ka ba masasaktan pag nalaman mong may mas mahalaga pa sa'yo?" pertaining to ones boyfriend. I was shocked. Shocked with that thought. I blurted, "Why would you ever think that?!" and she said "Hindi mo pa kasi naeexperience." Ok fine. She has a point with the inexperienced part but really?! To expect from a person that he/she should treat/value you as the most important person in his/her world. I think that's pretty much asking/expecting too much. I mean, really?! I can't ask/expect that from a person. Boyfriend, friend, sister, mother or father. I can't. I just can't. My head can not process that. Just can't.