snippets 164

Napapagod na akong mag-isip.
I can't believe I'd hit a point in my life,
saying this.
I used to love psychoanalyzing.
But lately, I am getting tired and confused.
Befuddled.
Sometimes, I think that it is much better to
not notice things.
To not notice the slight details nobody
notices.
Sometimes, it is hard to take in
the facts that a simple observation concludes.
It is tiring.
There are points that I envy
the people who don't notice anything.
Like life can surprise them.
I feel like because I am watching
everything,
I am expecting everything
and expecting leads to disappointment.
Disappointment that hits so hard.
That is hard to swallow.
And I feel like I am taking bitter pills
now and again.
And they are too, very very hard to swallow.
Sometimes, I just want to sit
cover my vision, my peripherals
stuck my earphones to my ears
and just let the world pass me by
and focus on mundane things.
To not notice the bad.
To not hear the bad.
To not see anything that is worth expecting for.
To just let good tap me on my shoulder
Or waves its face on mine.
I am tired of expecting.
And I know I chose to expect
and indeed expecting and disappointment
are two very bitter pills that are very
very difficult to swallow.