Although, I'm ok right now. Far more okay than I was a few months ago. I often stop and think about my future and my present. I sit perfectly still. Live in a bubble of make believe. A make believe that I am okay. I wonder if I chickened out, out of life. If I chose the easier way out, at that time and landed myself into a downward spiral mess, I am not entirely sure I can afford.
I often wonder if I trapped myself in this situation. If this is entirely my fault. If the universe thought I am so full of myself and that it needs to put me back to the ground. I don't know.
In all honesty, I am scared. I am scared of the future. I am scared of all the things that I can be and the reasons why I can't be those things. I am scared I short changed myself. I am scared that I won't be able to go, anywhere but here.
Sometimes, I just hate being me.
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